Sensate Focus in Sex Therapy

For many individuals and couples, sex can become a source of stress rather than connection. Performance pressure, anxiety, past experiences, medical changes, or relationship strain can all interfere with desire, arousal, and enjoyment. When sex starts to feel like something you should want or have to get right, it’s common to pull away - physically, emotionally, or both.

Sensate focus is a structured, evidence-based approach used in sex therapy to help people reconnect with their bodies and with each other, without pressure to perform. Rather than focusing on outcomes like arousal or orgasm, sensate focus gently shifts attention back to physical sensation, curiosity, and presence.

This post offers an introductory overview of Sensate Focus Phases 1 and 2 - it does not provide a complete picture of sensate focus work. It is not a substitute for sex therapy, nor is it meant to be used as a standalone guide. Sensate focus is best introduced and adapted with the support of a qualified sex therapist, who can help determine whether it is appropriate for your unique circumstances.

What Is Sensate Focus?

Sensate focus is a series of touch-based exercises that help individuals and couples slow down and re-learn how to experience touch in a relaxed, intentional way. It was originally developed to treat sexual difficulties, but it’s now widely used to support intimacy, communication, and body awareness.

A key principle of sensate focus is this: nothing is supposed to happen. There is no goal of intercourse, orgasm, or even arousal. By removing expectations, the nervous system can settle, making space for authentic sensation and connection to emerge naturally.

Why Sensate Focus Is Used in Sex Therapy

Many sexual concerns are influenced by anxiety, distraction, self-monitoring, or fear of disappointing a partner. Sensate focus helps by creating a predictable, low-pressure structure where touch can feel safer and more manageable.

Sex therapists may use sensate focus to support:

• Sexual anxiety or avoidance

• Desire discrepancies

• Difficulty with arousal or pleasure

• Pain during sex

• Rebuilding intimacy after stress, illness, or trauma

Sensate Focus Phase 1: Non-Sexual Touch

Phase 1 of sensate focus is non-sexual in nature. The purpose of this phase is to gently rebuild comfort with physical touch through non-demand, non-sexual contact.

The central focus is on your own sensory experience, not on pleasing your partner or creating a response. Partners take turns touching and being touched, with attention directed inward to sensations such as:

• Pressure

• Temperature

• Texture

• Subtle physical or emotional responses

During Phase 1:

• Touch does not include the chest, breasts, or genitals

• There is no expectation of sexual arousal

• The exercise is not meant to lead to sexual activity

• Touch is typically done with hands only

• Verbal feedback is usually minimal or absent

This phase helps establish safety, predictability, and awareness by allowing the nervous system to experience touch without pressure or expectation.

Sensate Focus Phase 2: Expanding Awareness

Phase 2 builds on the foundation of Phase 1 while maintaining the same core principles of mindfulness and non-demand touch. The major shift in this phase is a gradual expansion of touch to include the chest and breasts, while genital contact remains off-limits.

The focus is still on sensation rather than outcome. Partners continue to move slowly and intentionally, noticing:

• Physical sensations

• Emotional responses

• Comfort levels

In Phase 2, there is often a gentle shift toward also noticing the experience of the partner who is receiving touch, while still staying grounded in your own sensory awareness.

As with Phase 1:

• There is no expectation of sexual activity before, during, or after

• The goal is not escalation, but exploration

• Touch remains intentional, slow, and pressure-free

Going Slowly and Getting Support

Sensate focus is not about progressing quickly or “doing it right.” Some people spend more time in one phase, move back and forth between phases, or discover that sensate focus brings up unexpected emotions or questions.

Because of this, sensate focus is best introduced and supported within sex therapy. A therapist can help tailor the approach, address challenges as they arise, and ensure that the exercises are appropriate and supportive for your situation.

It’s also important to know that sensate focus includes additional phases beyond Phases 1 and 2, which gradually introduce more explicitly sexual touch and, eventually, the option of sexual activity. These later phases are intentionally not outlined here, as they are best introduced within the context of sex therapy and tailored to the specific needs, histories, and goals of the individuals or couple involved. A sex therapist can help determine readiness for later phases, adjust pacing, and ensure that the process remains supportive, consensual, and aligned with your circumstances.

Struggling With Intimacy or Sexual Connection? We Can Help.

At Gravitate Counselling, our sex-positive, trauma-informed counsellors understand how concerns around desire, arousal, intimacy, and performance can affect emotional connection, self-esteem, and relationships. We support individuals and couples in slowing things down, reducing pressure, and rebuilding a sense of safety and pleasure through evidence-based approaches such as sensate focus. Whether you’re navigating sexual anxiety, changes in desire, or disconnection in your relationship, sex therapy offers a compassionate space to explore intimacy at a pace that feels right for you.

Our Registered Clinical Counsellors offer sex therapy for individuals, couples, and non-traditional partnerships in Victoria, BC, across Vancouver Island and throughout BC.

Book a Matching Appointment with our Clinical Director today, or explore the profiles of our counsellors to find the right support for you.